Every once in a while, I feel exhausted and turn to this platform to pen down my thoughts just to lift the weight off my chest. Or to see if there are any others that are going through a similar phase as me. I can seek some comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one caught in this rat race.
Honestly, I can safely say I’m the optimist. I seldom seek solace from my personal tumblr simply because on most occasions, I don’t feel the need to. I don’t need any cheer-me-ups, or sad emotional captions for me to associate my feelings with because I’m usually the cheerful and carefree sort. Usually.
But this past week, I’m not. I know the source that triggered my emotional days. My SCM mid-term results was…even disastrous is an understatement to describe this. Let’s just say this is the worst I’ve ever done throughout my years in university. Now, it might probably seem to be a small issue. Like hey, here’s just another miserable, stressed-up university student who is moping over her lousy grades. And I know how minor this sounds like. But somehow, it was a major slap in the face, a loud wake up call for me. Being in my third year, I simply can’t afford a grade like this, since my overall standing in school is on its downhill already. I felt utterly miserable.
After all the crying over spilled milk and pep talks by my parents, the whole drama over my mid term grades came to an end. But subsequent grades from this depressing module heightened my misery. I tried to get rid of the negativity, but honestly this has just kept replaying sneakily at the back of my mind. Now I lack the confidence to do anything at all. Even dancing makes me sad. Even writing a simple letter, painting a simple image makes me over analyze my abilities to do anything right. Just anything, no matter how trivial it seems, is making me doubt my capabilities.
Exhausted after being beaten by my self-demoralization, I couldn’t take it anymore and took comfort upon listening to Pink’s new single- Try. I needed a song I can listen to and stay speechless for a while. Speechless in the sense of the mind. I needed my mind to take a break from reprimanding myself, for taking away the credit of my actions and turning them into errors instead. I needed a break. I don’t even think I worked hard enough to deserve a break but truth be told, I’m weak like that and I just need a break.
I need to know that I belong somewhere that I can the best of myself and not feel inferior. A place that I am appreciated for who I am.
I know, a few weeks later when I feel better and look back to this post, I would laugh at my silly thoughts. But right now, at this point in time, I need a shelter and a shoulder to lean on. A place I can crumble in, and reassure me that everything will be ok.
I’m tired. I don’t even have the motivation to face school day by day.
Sometimes, one can be too witty for others to understand their humour. Somehow this gif depicts that, at least it does for me.
I don’t know why but I’ve always liked apparels, accessories, ornaments, well basically anything that is of a tribal/ethnic nature.
Think: Feathers, birds, juxtaposed prints, aztec, headbands and tribal necklaces. Yes, I’ve a weakness for them. While some call it boho/bohemian, i like to refer to it as the look of tribe.
And that brings us to the genre of dance I’ve been enjoying- Reggae/ Dancehall. For those who aren’t aware, reggae is derived from Jamaica and alot of moves involve rotations and isolation of hips. More technical terms are tick and whine. Ok i’m not the best person at describing reggae but to understand more on this type of dance and music, search Bob Marley and you’ll get a clearer picture.
Naturally, I’m drawn towards such a chill type of dance which is, in my opinion, a type of dance that a dancer can enjoy and groove to. The songs have a tribal vibe to them which translates into the body language of reggae. It is definitely not an east genre to learn and master although it may seem simple to catch. To do it the proper way requires skills and the right techniques.
I think I’m gonna try reggae more from now on!
I found this old bag at the back of my closet, like it ! #bag #ethnic (Pris avec Instagram)
Have you ever sat down to think about what makes you happy?
It’s been 2 weeks into internship. I can say I’m gradually getting used to being an office lady and the 10-7pm working hours. Initially, I couldn’t get used to such a working life. I’ve never been a person who can seat myself at a desk and type away on the keyboard, which explains my previous part-time jobs which involve events and working at a theme park (well, i still work there actually).
My colleague once said to me, yes retail and non-office jobs are more interesting and less rigid, but still, if you want to “climb the corporate ladder” and make big bucks, office is the easiest and quickest way to go. Which I agree, it’s true.
But 2 weeks later, as I grow to be accustomed to such a working life, I start to feel a little jaded as well. The monotonous typing on the keyboards, the endless copyrighting I’ve to do, the visits to the pantry and washroom to take a breather and the looking out of the windows across the sky, just got me thinking- Yes, I could get used to this when I graduate and get an office job, but, will I be happy? I look at my seniors, cousins and peers working in offices, they earn alot yes they do, but they work so hard and slog their guts out into the wee hours to meet a deadline or rush for a proposal. Will I be happy if I’m like them?
Also, let’s just compare they working adults in Sg and let’s say Australia? Australians knock off at 5pm, don’t get paid as much, but are way happier. Besides, with their salaries, they can already afford landed properties and a car, living a comfortable and well-paced life. As for us, we slog for several years and can barely afford a flat apartment. That’s reality, if you think about it.
Today I woke up and did a little thinking, watched a little videos. I said to myself, I’ve used to wanna be a wedding planner. But after attending the wedding planner talk held in my school, I realised it isn’t what I really want to do. In fact, what attracts me the most is the prettiest part of the wedding- the couples and the ceremony and the setting. I want to be part of and capture the intricacies of a wedding, the intensity of emotions. That’s what I’m interested in. Would it be ok, if I say I want to be a wedding videographer? What if I say I don’t want to be safe and sheltered in an office, but rather take a risk and venture into something that may not have as good a payoff as a 9-5 job? I don’t need a lot of money, I only need enough. That might make me happy.